The End Is The New Beginning

Don't Be Serious, Be Sincere

2011-11-25T09:17:00.003+08:00

Don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I used the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationship, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a luxury car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in the spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationship are the marbles. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One thing about nurturing the spark; don't take life seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a prepaid card with a limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is only 2500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up?

Its ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in few papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, enjoy with your friends and family, fall in love, little fight with your loved ones. We are people, not programmed device.

Value Of Life

2011-10-27T22:10:00.002+08:00

Imagine life as a game in which you are jugging some five balls in the air. They are Work, Family, Health, Friend and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these on the air.

You will soon understand that Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back but the other four balls; - Family, Health, Friend and Spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it.

Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends & have a proper rest. Value had a value only if its value is valued.

I Dont Care What Others Think About Me

2011-08-17T00:58:00.003+08:00

"What other people think about me is none of my business";- Early in my life, and even in recent times, I had strive to be liked, to not upset people, to keep the peace, but I found all I managed to do was put myself in a twist trying to please everyone especially my parents/family in all things.

When I was first told this quote, “What Other People Think of You Is None Of Your Business”, it was one of those 'light-bulb' moments. You know the one when it all seems so clear and simple. I realized in an instant that what people think about me, truly isn’t about me. It is about them, themselves and not me. Their thoughts are not my business, it is theirs. I had been striving for the impossible. To always be thought of in the “right way” by other people. Yes, it is “nice” to be highly thought of by others but it is far more beneficial, and far more achievable to be highly thought of by myself.

When you try so hard to please others, do you felt deep resentment in doing so? It is impossible to make everyone happy with the choices we make in life. If you worry about getting everyone’s approval, you’d never get anywhere. If you let what others think of you become your business, it will consume all of your time and energy, draining you of the ability to move on in your life.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t mean to be completely ignorant of others feelings or being arrogant. I cannot change their mind by constantly worrying and stressing about what they think of me. What I can do, is to be the person I am truly meant to be and feel comfortable with that. More than comfortable though, be the person that I want to be as I only live once.

I have done a lot of soul searching in recent years and have finally learned to accept and love the person I am without having to put on any fronts. I no longer live my life based on what others might think of me, whether it be negative or positive. We all like to hear those positive thoughts from others, but remember that whatever the thoughts from others are, it is none of our business. The words from others are useless unless we believe them to be true in our own hearts.

You Only Live Once But If You Live It Right, Once Is Enough!

Make Love or Sex?

2011-06-14T12:05:00.005+08:00

Is there really a difference between having sex and making love?

You may had sex, may had been laid, may fucked. But, can you recall the last time when you made love? Some people might argue that there's no difference - physically, they are the same. However, emotionally, passionately and mentally, both deeds are very different.

If I am to answer this question, I believe, Yes there's a great difference - in term of emotions and intent. "having sex" is just simply a physical act on physical context. "making love" is beyond the realm of physical actions. Sex is wonderful to enjoy but make love is experiencing something, the feelings.

Sex is momentary and mechanical. You can just have sex with simply anyone, sex with strangers you hooked up in the club, sex with your ex or even sex with your friends. You only need orgasm in sex. There is no strings attached, no commitment and promise. You have sex just simply for the pleasure of it, or physical satisfaction. You get your sexual needs fulfilled in sex. There are just motions without emotions in sex.

Make love is not in anyway just casual sex. You can only make love with the special one who loves you and vice versa. Emotions run in deep and you can feel the passion and love. Making love is when 2 persons whom are in love with each other, connect bodies and souls together non-verbally in the intercourse. There is a chemical produced by the sexual hormones that interacts in the bodies creating a magnetic reaction. When you're making love, you feel like pleasing your partner.

So are you making love or having sex?

Men Are Like Wine. Women Are Like Cigarette

2011-04-27T21:29:00.008+08:00

Men are like wine;

at the first glance, as calm and clear as water. But such a transparent crystal-clear alcohol, is a burning and aromatic thick liquor. It's difficult to distinguish good or bad.

Men are like wine;

the longer it is stored, the more valuable it is.

Men are like wine;

the surface of the bottle has no real sense of measurement, have to be drank to investigate the depth.

Men are like wine;

if you can't drink much, do not tend to grab one, certainly not everyone can afford to endure the feeling of getting drunk.

Men are like wine;

having a sip can let you get tipsy and high, once addicted, it would lead to trouble and pain, the integration of sadness and tears in the middle of the night.

Men are like wine;

however the mass drinkers tasting good wine, are always women.

Women are like cigarette;

need combustion to show her wonderful fragrance hidden in her bones.

Women are like cigarette;

the burning of each degree is like an Elegy of Life, into an aromatic and flammable destruction of time.

Women are like cigarette;

A woman's life continues in the ring of ignition, while the consequences of getting hurt; is the beginning of another story.

Women are like cigarette;

Until the tobacco has gone out of the cigarette, a woman's romance has also gone away with ashes.

Women are like cigarette;

need fire to ignite her passion and glory.

Letting Go

2010-06-25T16:08:00.006+08:00

A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty..

3 Stupid Stages Of Life

2009-08-30T04:05:00.002+08:00

Teen age;

Have Time + Energy …but No Money

Working age;

Have Money + Energy …but No Time

Old age;

Have Time + Money …but no Energy

HOW PATHETIC!! Dont you agree?

Noah's Ark

2009-08-13T00:27:00.002+08:00

ONE - Don't miss the boat.

TWO - Remember that we are all in the same boat.

THREE - Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

FOUR - Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

FIVE - Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

SIX - Build your future on high ground.

SEVEN - For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

EIGHT - Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

NINE - When you're stressed, float awhile.

TEN - Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

ELEVEN - No matter the storm, when you're with GOD, there's always a rainbow waiting..

I've Found My New Doctor

2009-08-09T15:09:00.002+08:00

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables! So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO.. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways; Chardonnay in one hand; chocolate in the other; body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What A Ride"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION;
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

I Love You

2009-08-01T23:49:00.002+08:00

Love is like a lump of gold,
Hard to get, and hard to hold.
Of all the girls I've ever met,
You're the one I can't forget.
I do believe that God above, Created you for me to love.
He chose you from all the rest,
Because he knew I would love you best,
I Love You..

A New Chapter

2009-07-12T23:57:00.005+08:00

What should I do now? I am once again dilemma. She apologized and confessed her feelings towards me weeks ago. Deep inside my heart, I wanted to get back in relationship with her but I dont know why I am holding myself back. Can I really just forgive and forget? I dont know.

We spent alot of quality time together after she came back from Penang last month, we even went to Genting for a short vacation. I must say that I am really happy during this period, I can felt that there is alot of love between the both of us and both our heart is calling for each other.

We talked through on our relationship. I make it clear to her that I dont want it to be a patch back relationship and this is just not the right time yet. When the time comes, I wanted it to be a NEW relationship without any connection with the previous. I wanted to view her as a new friend, get to know her more day after day. Staying out from relationship enable us both to reveal our true color, we have our own friends, life, privacy and space. I believe that this is a good alternative but what I think and what inside my heart is different. My heart is calling strongly to be with her but I know that if we were to step back into relationship without a stable mutual understanding, we are risking for a 2nd heartbreaks, wasnt it?

I even scrapped the idea of moving in and staying together at this moment. I know that if we were to move in and stay together now, we are indirectly agree to get back together. Its better for us to remain as friends (close good friends) for now. We will see how things get and how comfortable our friendship goes by end of this year then only we decide. I hope that we can really get to understand one another without letting our previous feelings cloud our judgement within this period and let our hearts do the calling; if we were meant for one another..

There is a saying goes by; "There Will Always Be Rainbow/Sunshine After The Rain".. I hope its for real. I am really looking forward to A New Chapter..

17 Again

2009-07-05T00:59:00.003+08:00

Went to watch this movie (17 Again) on last Thursday. The story is about "popular high school senior Mike O'Donnell seemingly has it all. He is a star athlete headed straight for a college scholarship when he decides to give it up to settle down with his high school girlfriend Scarlett. Twenty years later, an adult Mike finds his life is not exactly what he expected. He is separated from his wife, Scarlett and.... ............. bla bla bla... .............. ..... ........ Through his experiences, Mike realizes that he had chosen the perfect life he just never appreciated it". Whoever that had watched this movie, you will have a better idea on what I am talking about.

I felt that there is quite a similarity in myself with Mike O'Donnell in this movie. Both of us had a perfect life, both of us give it up to settle down with our loves one. Later on, althought we never regret on the decision we made but we kept blaming the fact that our life does not turned up the way we expected because we give up so much to settle down with our loves one and think that "what I am going through now, I dont deserve it" and "I gave up all this for you", although we never voice it out directly but it is in our heart all this while. Both of us, throughout the years of marriage, we dont feel good, everything we done just dont seem perfect. In the movie, Mike claims that he done alot for the backyard of their house which he only spents 2hours on it and the next 3days complaining over it. This scenario is exactly like me! Throughout my 3yrs relationship, I done nothing for real, she is the one that doing all the jobs, I only know how to talk and instruct her what to do. I had been living in the past, I always felt that she should feel lucky to be with me but I am so wrong!! Just like in this movie, we had been living and envying our past so we ended up jeoperdize both our marriage and career. But Mike is lucky, he got the chance to transform back to when he is 17 and realized that he had chosen the perfect life but he never appreciated it so he start to make things better and yes he got a second chance!

Throughout my separation with her, I had came to realized alot of things including that it is me that should feel lucky to be someone as special as her, without her I am no where today, I will still be some rich brat kids driving around in town on luxurios car and spending money like water taps, hitting clubs/pubs when the night falls etc. I wont understand the meaning of life or love, I wont had learn to grown up and make decisions. Whatever I gave up to be with her 3yrs ago, I did it for something that I really want, a decision I made on my own like an adult, I want to change, I want something better. I want to change for something even better than what I used to have, together with her, something wealth and money cant buy, something that doesnt exist in my parental family..

If I could turn back the clock or be transform back to 3yrs ago, I will still choose this path again but I will do it better this time around; to be in love with her, to feel her love, to be with her even for just a day and to see her smile, its worth everything.. I had just jeoperdize everything for living in my past, I regretted it, I regretted for not treating her the right way, I regretted for taking her for granted, I regretted that I never know how to appreciate the perfect life that I had chosen..

I'll Be Right Here Waiting For Your Return

2009-06-23T01:18:00.001+08:00

Specially dedicated to that someone special..

I walk quietly behind you
Led by a single candle light
As your path becomes darker
My candle will become bright

Your road ahead may be glorious
With no reason to turn around
But come the first sign of rain
I will always be easily found

Sometimes the road may narrow
With hills impossible to climb
My hands will be there for you
With needed force from behind

There are obstacles that lay ahead
May cause you to stumble and fall
I'll always be there to lift you up
And hold you until you stand tall

Not chosen to walk beside you
I will gladly assume my place
For I will always love you
With these tears on my face..

Never Ending Financial Problem

2009-06-22T23:14:00.005+08:00

Stress!! I am so stressed out!! SWT!! Financial problem had been haunting me since last year 2008 November! My commitment was sky high and my income just cant make the ends meet. Just to list down the very basic of my monthly expenses before the economy crisis hits;

House loan installment repayment - RM1998
Car1 loan installment repayment - RM850
Car2 loan installment repayment - RM600
Insurance monthly premium - RM586
Credit card repayment - RM3000
Petrol - RM1200 (each car RM20/day)
Tol - RM200 (reload RM100 for each T&G for each car)
Parking - RM200
Maxis bill- RM300
Electric bill - RM200
Water bill - RM50
Streamyx bill - RM150
Food/Meals - RM1800 (RM30/day x2person)
Misc - RM1000 (movies, clubbing, dining, shopping, etc)

Total?? RM12K+-!! In reality, how many youngster (below 23 y.o.) can generate this much income to bear this sky-high expenses monthly? We went through all this without a penny/cent from both families. So please dont comment that I came from a rich family. What I have today is what I earned out from ZERO. I am really grateful and thank god that I had such a fruitful income, we managed to pull it over and there is still room for saving. But as the saying goes 'good thing doesnt last for long', this all was before the economy crisis hits in November 2008.

From a 5-figure income, it drops to an average of RM3k per month. A very drastic drop huh? RM3k is still a huge amount to alot of people but as you can see from my monthly commitment, it just simply cant make it. So I started slashing down my expenses. Make the comparison.

House loan installment repayment - RM1998
Car1 loan installment repayment - RM850
Car2 loan installment repayment - RM600
Insurance monthly premium - RM586
Credit card repayment - RM1000
Petrol - RM900 (each car RM20/day)
Tol - RM150+- (pay on cash basis)
Parking - RM100 (more illegal parking)
Maxis bill- RM250
Electric bill - RM150
Water bill - RM30
Streamyx bill - RM120
Food/Meals - RM1200 (RM20/day x2person)

Total?? RM7834! As I mentioned earlier, monthly income had dropped to an average of RM3k per month since November 2008, so how did I survive this? Nothing much but to 'korek' from bank account about an average of RM5k per month just to make end meets. A drastic slashed down on shopping, travel, dining and leisure. The metaphore of "shopping cures every gal sadness" doesnt applies here anymore. LOL!! This is before our separation.

Now, June 2009, a month after separation, below is my monthly expenses;

House loan installment repayment - RM1000
Car loan installment repayment - RM600
Insurance monthly premium - RM168
Petrol - RM600
Tol - RM100+- (pay on cash basis)
Parking - RM80
Maxis bill- RM125
Food/Meals - RM600

Total?? RM3273!! Damn..!! Still sky-high with ZERO income!! I wonder how a wager-earner of RM800-RM1200 survived??

Look...!! What left in my account?? RM1.08 on Monday 22nd June 2009 22:23pm! Not only that but I am drowned with a heavy debt too. Check it out below;

Summon (PDRM) - RM2200 (18 summons)
Lynette - RM4800 (borrowed RM4.8K from her 2mths back)
Insurance - RM586 (May 09)
Utilities bills - RM830 (March+Apr+May+Jun)
Car1 loan - RM1700 (Apr+May)
House loan - RM1998 (May)
SKYNET - RM4465.20
Maxis - RM935.97 (Feb-Jun)
Income tax 2008 - RM2800
Income tax 2009 - RM1200
AEON credit card - RM3019
UOB credit card - RM3128
EON credit card - RM2991
HLB credit card - RM3589

Total debts at this moment?? RM35k+- Gosh!! Someone please tell me that the bridge is covered nowadays..

Another Day Without You

2009-06-21T00:01:00.003+08:00

Another day,
Another line.
You choose this,
time after time.

I'll write yet another,
poem about why I'm sad.
I'm so sick of it all,
I miss feeling glad.

I'm tired of writing,
these poems that never put me at ease.
If someone knows the way out of this heartache,
Don't hesistate to tell me, please.

People say "You'll be okay",
And smile right at you.
And your thinking, "Yeah right, you don't know what I'm going through".

Do you know what it's like to feel,
like you'll never feel happy?
Or what it's like to feel like you have to scratch your eyes out,
Just so you couldn't see?

Even as I write these words,
my breath is filled with sighs.
Because they remind me of you,
so I slowly begin to cry...

It's not fair,
this feeling that's left me bare.
It's not fair that I'm still missing you,
and you don't even care.

You made that obvious,
when you let my world turn dark.
I stare lifelessy at everyone,
On my heart, you left a mark...

Road Divided Into Two

2009-06-20T00:22:00.004+08:00

Well.. It had been almost a week since I last met her. Had been drinking day n night since the day she went away. Feeling rather sober today, I decided to blog. Went to RedBox today with few of my classmates for a 'stress releasing' session but ended up having a 'emo' session to myself. While singing few of the emotional songs, tears were running down my cheeks as I still cant find a way to forget her nor to let go our relationship. I guess none of them saw I dropped tears as the room was dark and we were sitting in a row. LOL!! After RedBox, I joined another batch of my classmate for a dip in the pool, had quite a fun time.

I am in dilemma now. Roads ahead of me was divided into two;

To win her heart back.
To let go and forget about her.

I dont know which route should I choose. If I could, I rather choose not to choose at all. I dont want to make a wrong choice. Whatever decision I made now is going to have a lifetime impact on both of us. Based on what we went through since the 1st day we were together and the nature call deep inside my heart, I wanted to win her love back. Frankly, deep inside my heart, I cant live without her, this separation and the way she broke my heart does not made my love towards her faded at all. For once, I really understand the meaning of lonely and I knew I cant live without her. She means to much to me. As for my love towards her were sincere and pure. I knew that if I played my cards right from now, I can win her heart back, its just a matter of time.

After all that she had done, can I really forgive and forget? Sigh! Yes, I can. I seriously mean it, I can really forgive and forget if she willing to change and walk the path of future sincerely with me. Alot of my friends asked me to let go and forget about her and that I am better off without her. Its easier to say than done. My love towards her was sincere and pure since the 1st day, how can I just let go? I cant! I really cant! I rather let go my life than to let go this relationship. We had came from such a long and hard way, our love story were written from upside down.

Am I ready to risk it again? What if I choosen to be with her and she never changed? What if the history repeat itself? I cant take the same shot for twice, it would cost my life for sure. If I choose to let go and forget about her, what if I cant find one better than her? Or as simple as, what if I cant find one that really makes me in love as much as this relationship? If so, I will be living in this past and full of regrets.

A friend of mine once told me this; "lets say you really likes to eat steak and your life is all about steak, then 1day when you went over to the restaurant and found out that steak is no longer available but there is alot more other options such as chicken, salmon, lobsters etc and you decide to try it, turn out the alternate choices is just as good as steak or even better. Dont you think it is abit stupid/dumb to keep thinking about how delicious/good the steak is when there's no more steak anymore and the alternate was jus as good? Maybe now you might think you will never settle for anything less than a steak but maybe, just maybe when you can stop thinking and imaging how things will be with steak, you will learn to accept and like other alternatives, by learning to do so, one day you will be able to think about steak and not have any other feels other than some good happy sweet memories". This make sense and she got a point there but I am not buying it at this moment yet.

All I wanted to do now is to go with the flow and let fate decide. If we are meant to be together, we will be, if not then let it just remain as memories. I had oath not to be influence by anyone, this is my life, its my choice, you can take away anything from me but one thing for sure, you cant take away my dignity. I wanted to start everything afresh again. I wanted to imagine her as a new friend I yet to know, a new person. Everyone deserve a second chance. Even if we were to get together in the future, I wouldnt want it to be a patch back relationship, let it be a fresh one, a NEW relationship.

I had made a wrong judgement on you 3yrs ago, the Amy that I falled in love with 3yrs ago is not the Amy that I knew today. You had changed. Yet, you still had my heart with you. I will rejudge you and rejudge myself as well. Who I am today is not who I am the other day, they said 'whatever that dont kill you, makes you stronger'. Am I worthy for you and are you worthy for me? Are we meant for each another? Time will let us to show our true self, then only we decide if we wanted to start a NEW relationship. I will never let my previous feelings cloud my judgement..

Just A Dream

2009-06-18T00:02:00.002+08:00

I woke up early this morning
in this bed that is so cold
Half asleep I reached for you
There was nothing there to hold..

Last night I had the best dream
You had never told me goodbye.
That you were not coming back
was someone telling a cruel lie..

Smell of perfume on your pillow
I struggle to hold back the tear
The chill sweeps through my body
as reality whispers in my ear

My love for you is not fading
Still not sure what went wrong
Lying here frozen in my bed
I refuse to believe that you're gone..

I give your hug to your pillow
Wish that all is not what it seems
I would close my eyes forever
If we were together in my dreams..

I Cant Stop Crying Today

2009-06-16T19:55:00.002+08:00

I can't stop crying today
My world walked out the door
With her she took my heart
For I will love no more

The hours passed like seconds
When our two hearts were one
The seconds passed like hours
After she said that she was done

She was going to love me forever
At least that is what she said
Her heart belonged to someone else
That is what her heart read

I no longer live in color
My world is black and white
I always wonder what she is doing
As I lie awake at night

I hope tomorrow is better
This is what I pray
But right now my heart is broken
I can't stop crying today..

If I Let You Go

2009-06-16T00:19:00.003+08:00

Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside I keep on searching but I can't find..

The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know if I let you go?

Night after night I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you
You speak to my heart
It's such a shame we're worlds apart

I'm too shy to ask
I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know if I let you go?

If I let you go ooooh babe
Ooooooooohhhhh ...

Once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out Ooooooooohhhhh...

The Day You Went Away..

2009-06-14T16:22:00.005+08:00

Date is 13th June 2009. Time: 1515.

That is the last time I saw you, the very last time we see each other without even bidding goodbye.

Had lunch together with your mum n bro, it seem so awkward for the very 1st time althought it is not the 1st time we dine together, neither of us was smilling, just faking it throughout the meal.. Why is this happening?

You are supposed to go back today (14th June 09), I thought I will get another chance to see you again last night or this morning. But the sudden changed of plan and the insistent of your mum to go back last night really left me speechless.. I dont even have the chance to say goodbye to you..

Althought we had agreed to break up 2weeks back but our unsettled stuffs drags us on together until now, I was very depressed on the first few days when we agreed to break up but the pain was nothing compared to what I went through last night. I really felt so lonely for the very first time after 3yrs.. I really cant take it.. It feels like its the end of the world for me. Althought we broke up 2weeks back but I still get the chance to see you but now, you were far away.. real far.. Our love had come to an end.. This is the benchmark; 1110 days we had been together.. Its over by now, we were letting go something special, something we will never have again..

Last night was a real long and tough night for me.. I tried to get myself drunk so that I dont have to think of anything but it seems like the alcohol just doesnt work for me! From Chivas to Jack Daniel to Carlsberg Beer to Flaming Lambo to Whisky.. I took all of them as if I am drinking plain water, I dont feel anything at all as my heart was so broken, tears were running down my cheeks, my whole body is so weak, I felt like dying.. I can felt that I am flying high by the end of night but one thing for sure is that I am still sober of; is that I missed you like hell...

Back to the bed, I am drop dead but I cant sleep, I am turning right n left, up n down but I cant find you beside me anymore.. For the very first time, you were not beside me on the bed.. I cant help myself but cried all long, the night seems so long without you.. You were gone.. I look around n around again but all I can see if the memory of your face, nothing else.. just empty space...

I dont know how to get on with my life now, I am lost for direction. I dont see any point of life right now.. There is nothing else left for me.. The day that I am scared and afraid of had finally arrived; our separation day! I cant live without you, I am missing you like crazy right now.. I dont know what else I could say because I cant seem to find the right word to describe my feelings right now.. My world is so dark right now, I am lost.. I cant see anything, lost in darkness.. God, please enlight me.. Please tell me what should I do, teach me how to get on with this life, I need strength, I cant hold on for long.. I dont know when I will just walk to the bridge or the tallest building and just let go myself.. I cant hold it anymore..

Home Sweet Home

2009-06-06T02:28:00.008+08:00

For Sale!!

Property Type: 3-storey terrace link
Location: Venture Heights, South Cheras, Kuala Lumpur
Tenure of Land: Freehold Price: RM600,000 (negotiable)

Built-up: 2,508 s.f., 20×70, 5bedrooms 4bathrooms

Property Developer: Bangsar Heights-MKL Sdn Bhd

Front View

Dining Hall, Kitchen
Kitchen
Staircase

Second Floor Master Bedroom
Second Floor Living Area
Bedroom II

Bedroom III

Third Floor Super Master Room

Washroom

Any taker? RM600,000.00 Only! Price highly negotiable. Urgent sale! I am the owner, not real estate agent. Please PM or call me directly to arrange.

Separation Ahead Of Us..

2009-05-31T04:30:00.000+08:00

Today I sat in our closet and cried,
Crying for our love that has clearly died.
Looking at your clothes hanging there,
Remebering my favorites you used to wear.
Each shirt holds a memory you see,
I wish you were here to remember with me.
The smiles that once graced our faces,
There's nothing there now not even traces.
I will always treasure the love we had together,
I will hold it in my heart forever.
Now I know that I can't sit here all day,
I know I must let go and put it away.
Still it seems the hardest thing to do.
It's so very hard cause it means that we're through..

Separation; Beginning Of The End or A Renew Beginning?

2009-05-30T22:26:00.003+08:00

Sometimes separation can be a time of forgiveness and renewed commitment. Many times, couples will separate in hopes of saving a relationship. Sometimes, this can work. After all, just getting distance from a painful, antagonistic situation can provide you with enough perspective to come back together weeks or months later and sort things out.

Separation can be the first step along the journey to separate lives. Not quite permanent or irrevocable, separation enables the two individuals to get a taste of what it would be like to exist apart—to manage separate households, separate finances, and separate selves.. Separation; Is it a renew beginning or is it the beginning of the end?

Where We Came From (Part II)

2009-05-26T04:47:00.000+08:00

I awake each day with a smile and greet it with a laugh. The world is a treasure to me because of you.. Everytime I think of something sad, I replace the thought with you.. My mind is instantly changed and my heart is filled with gladness..

Every breath I take is meant for you, I live this life surrounded in joy.. And I bathe in the promise of your love, my souls belong to you.. Each time I see something beautiful, I want to make it and bring it to you.. My life has so much meaning now.. All because of you..

You made me from a zero..

to a hero...

Days with you is like a dream come true.. What else could I ask for?

We been through good times...

If I could have just one wish, I would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of your breath on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my cheek, the touch of your fingers on my skin, and the feel of your heart beating with mine... Knowing that I could never find that feeling with anyone other than you..

and bad times..

or both at the same time...

Finally...

You are not the air that I breathe, you are the sweet scent that drifts upon it..

You are not the sounds that I hear, you are the music of my life..

You are not the food that I need, you are the nourishment of my soul..

You are not my will to survive, you are my reason for living..

It is with you that I experience the wonders of the world..

It is with you that I triumph over the challenges in my path..

It is your partnership that will lead me to the fulfillment of my dreams..

It is your friendship that guides me as I grow and learn..

It is your patience and wisdom that calms my restless nature..

It is through you that I know my true self..

I do not take you for granted, I cherish you..

I do not need you I choose you..

I choose you today in witness of all the people who love us..

I choose you tomorrow in the privacy of our hearts..

I choose you in strength and weakness..

I choose you in health and sickness..

I choose you in joy and sorrow..

I will choose you, over all others, every day for all the days of my life..

L.O.O.R.E. - Love Of Ours Remain Eternity

Where We Came From (Part I)

2009-05-26T01:23:00.001+08:00

They said "the end is the new beginning".. Is this a hoax or myth? This blog is about my life and my marriage that is turning sour; the story of two love birds that is coming to an end. Here's some of the flash back; this is where everything begins...

It all started with her smile..

For once, I had fall in love over and over again..

Our first date..

My life changes dramatically since then...

From a person without direction in life...

To a bunny that is in love..

We came from the hard way...

You dragged me out from hell...

and make me understand the meaning of life..

and how it feels to be in love...
Before I met you, I never knew what it was like to look at someone and smile for no reason..

You are always on my mind..

Your face is all I can find..

I think about you every day..

and know it will all work out some how, some way..

Some say we are dumb and foolish..

Some say we should do as we wish..

But all my heart could ever do..

is to tell you that I'll always love you now and forever...

Life without you is like a broken pencil. It has no point..