The Day You Went Away..

Date is 13th June 2009. Time: 1515.

That is the last time I saw you, the very last time we see each other without even bidding goodbye.

Had lunch together with your mum n bro, it seem so awkward for the very 1st time althought it is not the 1st time we dine together, neither of us was smilling, just faking it throughout the meal.. Why is this happening?

You are supposed to go back today (14th June 09), I thought I will get another chance to see you again last night or this morning. But the sudden changed of plan and the insistent of your mum to go back last night really left me speechless.. I dont even have the chance to say goodbye to you..

Althought we had agreed to break up 2weeks back but our unsettled stuffs drags us on together until now, I was very depressed on the first few days when we agreed to break up but the pain was nothing compared to what I went through last night. I really felt so lonely for the very first time after 3yrs.. I really cant take it.. It feels like its the end of the world for me. Althought we broke up 2weeks back but I still get the chance to see you but now, you were far away.. real far.. Our love had come to an end.. This is the benchmark; 1110 days we had been together.. Its over by now, we were letting go something special, something we will never have again..

Last night was a real long and tough night for me.. I tried to get myself drunk so that I dont have to think of anything but it seems like the alcohol just doesnt work for me! From Chivas to Jack Daniel to Carlsberg Beer to Flaming Lambo to Whisky.. I took all of them as if I am drinking plain water, I dont feel anything at all as my heart was so broken, tears were running down my cheeks, my whole body is so weak, I felt like dying.. I can felt that I am flying high by the end of night but one thing for sure is that I am still sober of; is that I missed you like hell...

Back to the bed, I am drop dead but I cant sleep, I am turning right n left, up n down but I cant find you beside me anymore.. For the very first time, you were not beside me on the bed.. I cant help myself but cried all long, the night seems so long without you.. You were gone.. I look around n around again but all I can see if the memory of your face, nothing else.. just empty space...

I dont know how to get on with my life now, I am lost for direction. I dont see any point of life right now.. There is nothing else left for me.. The day that I am scared and afraid of had finally arrived; our separation day! I cant live without you, I am missing you like crazy right now.. I dont know what else I could say because I cant seem to find the right word to describe my feelings right now.. My world is so dark right now, I am lost.. I cant see anything, lost in darkness.. God, please enlight me.. Please tell me what should I do, teach me how to get on with this life, I need strength, I cant hold on for long.. I dont know when I will just walk to the bridge or the tallest building and just let go myself.. I cant hold it anymore..